My Never Ending Battle with My Weight!

Several years ago my husband and I started Weight Watchers. My neurologist recommended that program pronouncing that they are the best. I managed to lose fifty five pounds and Walt lost fifty. He has kept his svelte figure and I have gained 10 pounds in three years. So folks the battle commences once more, for the umpteenth time.

All my life, since I was a little kid I have had a weight problem. When I was little all the way through my teen years my mother would watch my weight like a hawk. She lamented that I was too big. I would lose only to gain it back. The most I lost was when I was sixteen. I lost sixty pounds. Of course, my role model, my mother, stood 5'6" and never weighed more than 135 pounds. I, on the other hand, was 5'8" and 140 pounds at twelve!

It became a continuous losing battle. There was no way I would ever be as small as my mother. I would always want that, the child aiming to please her role model. I know I was a disappointment, not only to myself but my Mother. It took me until she passed away to get over this particular feeling of helplessness. Why oh why was she so insistent that I be what she hoped me to be? No wonder my self esteem turned into self pity and remained that way for a long time. Come to think of it, she always expected way too much of me. I wonder why. She was self assured and convinced she was right. My dad always thought she was slightly nuts. (That is another tale to be told).

I am not trying to please my mom anymore but I still have to lose the weight I have gained. I will feel better and look better. The formidable influence of my teen years is a ghost who, I must admit, still whispers in my ear what she feels is best for me. As luck would have it, this time she is correct in her admonishments.